Mythmaking is as central to sustaining our economy as profit-making, particularly as severe environmental degradation, breathtaking inequality, and increasing alienation among youth push capitalism against its own contradictions. Enter the new prophets of capital. In this moment of crisis, a new generation of wealthy mythmakers, masquerading as progressive thinkers, has emerged to reinvent the free market as the solution to society's problems. With Oprah rallying the poor to bootstrap their way into the middle class; Sheryl Sandberg calling on women to "lean in" to the unequal demands of a sexist world; and Bill and Melinda Gates offering the generosity of the 1 percent as the solution to a persistent, systemic inequality, the new prophets of capital buttress the exploitative system, even as the cracks grow more visible.