Did you know that a dust mask can keep raiders away? That gullible co-survivors can keep you fuller longer than tree bark and driveway gravel? That a first aid kit will make you immune from all blame? That a moist towelette can make you the stuff of nightmares? Of course you don't. You haven't read this guide yet.This guide is the result of extensive and pain staking research performed on Apocalypse Survival Labs' clueless interns, ex-employees, and large assortment of office jerks with poor break room etiquette.It carefully explains what you would need if you wanted to survive an apocalypse and it generously goes on to explain how you'll probably still die horribly anyway.If you do read this guide, and if you do manage to forge some horrible mockery of civilization with your hundreds of mutated progeny out there in the tortured radioactive wastelands, please understand if we at Apocalypse Survival Labs deny any involvement in having helped you create that mess.