Dear Garrett,
My counselor is asking me if I trust in your death. That you died at the time that was right for you.
How can I ever agree with that?
But she wears me down. With her compassion and belief that there is more of you out there than your boxed-up ashes.
Is there? I don't know.

In this poignant, moving account, Astrid details her struggle to come to terms with the death of her child. Grappling with his death, she shares details of her relationship with her son, how it feels to be on the other side of a death out of order, and her relationship with the grief counselor who nudges her along on the journey.

Confronting the death of a child and working through the endless layers of coming to terms with a death out of order, Astrid speaks to what it means to have complicated grief, conveys the questions that arise in the search to understand what has become of her child, and opens the door to the possibility that there may be something that connects us to our children even after death.

Brutal. Honest. and Real.